Category Archives: Family

The Church’s Response to the Plight of Orphans

Posted by clintclifton on

Since our teenage romance my wife and I have imagined ourselves being adoptive parents. We’ve been changed by the gospel and compelled by the plight of orphans in Haiti and around the world. We’ve discussed the possibility many times but for one reason or another we’ve never acted on it. It could be because we we started pumping out kids as soon as the honey moon was over, or perhaps it had something to do with the fact that our occupation and our stupidity has kept us near the poverty line.

But in 2010 when we got our personal finances in order and learned we could have no more children naturally. We decided to visit a friend who runs an small orphanage in Haiti and ask the Lord if He’d  allow us to be apart of his plan to realize the desire he’d given us so long ago.

While in Haiti we met two orphans that thawed our hesitations. We came home, with no clue how to pay for the adoption but an resolve do whatever it what it took. Within a few months nearly all of the money was in hand and our adoption proceedings were well under way.

Ever day we think about these two children, we pray for them continually and just like it was with pregnancy, we love them already. This week a worker at the orphanage sent us the following descriptions of their personalities and it made our week.

Betchina is sweet. I may even say that she’s the sweetest kid here. Her little giggle is just the best. She never, and I mean NEVER forgets to say thank you. Just recently, she had a bad cough (all the kids had it) and I would bring her medicine every night when she crawled into bed. Even though it didn’t taste good, she would always say “thank you!” with a sweet smile on her face. She’s such a lovely little girl! I’m really excited that you guys are homeschooling her because I think that it will be a good fit for her especially. She’s very shy. We just got report cards from her school and they told us that she knows the lessons, the problem is that she doesn’t like to talk in class very much. I guess the teachers will ask her questions but she won’t answer all the time. Sue and I were talking about it and how we think she will do really good doing school at home.

Jean is funny. He is literally the biggest three year old I have ever seen. He LOVES to be held. I feel bad for the poor kid because he’s so big that it takes more effort to hold him. I really think he would be happy if I just held him all day long. He’s so big that I can’t walk around holding him so he has to wait until I have time to just sit and be with him. He’ll walk up to me and mumble my name with his big puppy-dog eyes open wide and his arms up. When I pick him up, he just melts. It’s sweet. I think Sue needs to hire a worker just to hold him all day! He also has the best language skills out of any three year old I’ve ever met. He speaks so clearly and knows so many words. I’m amazed whenever I talk to him.

Jean literally will eat everything and anything. After everyone eats we always catch him licking off the trays of the highchairs and eating scraps off the floor. One time I gave him some lotion on his hands and I caught him licking it off. He cracks me up. So, to prepare for him to come home, put up all toxic substances where he can’t find them! Most of his spilled tears are over food. A lot of it comes from his personality I’m sure but he’s not the only kid here obsessed with food. All the kids here can eat more in one sitting than any American kid ever could. I’m discovering that it’s part of growing up in a third world country. Food is so important to these kids. Before they came to here it was a matter of life and death. While kids in the US are complaining about crusts, a lot of kids in Haiti are worried that they might not even get a next meal. I am sure that worrying about food is a habit that a kid doesn’t easily get over.

Our hearts are full of gratitude and joy about what the Lord is allowing us to participate in… but we see something that makes us sad… The American church gives special attention to the sanctity of human life each January but other than that it seems as a whole we don’t take much responsibility for the care of orphans. Meanwhile, our culture is snuffing out human life at a pace that is mind boggling. We are becoming increasingly aware that it’s the privileged and joy of the church to Display the Glory of Christ by responding in force to the plight of orphans.

Maybe you’ve considered adoption at one point or another but have been discouraged by the obstacles. I want to encourage you to do a few things in order to explore the issue further:

  • Read Orphanology or spend a few days studying what the Scripture has to say about orphan care.
  • Contact me or another adoptive family and learn about the process. (Clint@pillarchurchsbc.com)
  • Volunteer to provide foster care in your community.
  • Visit an orphanage like THIS ONE.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

Pastor Parent Priorities

Posted by clintclifton on

(Pic of my oldest son Noah at Jamestown Plantation last week)

I’m participating in a writing project right now for a church planter training slated to come out in the fall. I am writing the chapter on Pastoral Health.  Part of my chapter deals with family health.  I spent some time boiling down some of the principles that I have discovered as priorities over the years. Honestly, I still miss the mark on these things pretty often (especially #2) but the list is a helpful reminder for those who are serving in ministry, especially church planting.  Here they are in no particular order.

Choose blend over  balance in family and ministry.

Imagine family and ministry as two very important spheres in the life of a pastor. The more the spheres overlap the less tension will exist between them. If we view these spheres as separate and not able to overlap than you will find that there is not enough time during the day to do both jobs well. If you can search for ways to involve your family into ministry and to involve ministry into family you will earn time with both.

Give priority to your family when you organize your schedule.

The temptation is to give your family the leftovers of your day, your calendar and your energy. My suggestion is that before you plan out large chunks of time on your ministry calendar that you first give priority to the family. One of the few benefits of being a church planter is the schedule. Guys with “regular jobs” are forced to make their family organize around their work. As a church planting pastor the only deadline you are forced to meet are the ones that you impose on yourself. So please, give priority to your family.

Shepherd your family (one-on-one time with each member).

As a pastor your family will watch you walk out of the front door to attend countless meetings… you will meet with people constantly. If you are never meeting with your kids and wife they are likely to assume that they are less significant. I have 4 kids and  getting face time with each of them is a big task… but a very important one.

Avoid doing for church members what you are unwilling to do for family members.

You’ve probably heard of the contractor whose house looks like THIS or the chef who feeds his family THIS for dinner. Don’t be that guy. Probably the biggest challenge that pastors face regarding family is the tendancy to ignore the spiritual health of those in your home. You must be a pastor to your family. Pray with them and for them, encourage them, preach to them, teach them, watch over their souls. Remember that the gospel isn’t about behavior modification… it’s about issues of the heart.

Exploit the benefits of ministry for the joy of your family.

If you are a vocational pastor or planter there are some benefits you should let your family cash in on.  For example, you have a flexible schedule so be spontaneous, have lunch with your kids at school… Last Sunday we had an Ice cream party at church, guess who got the leftovers?

Where are the drowning people?

Posted by clintclifton on

Let me guess. You love your kids, you love Jesus and you want your kids to love Jesus. You say to yourself, “Self, If I want my kids to love Jesus… so, I need to read the Bible to them”. So, you load up in the mini van and head over to the Bargain Bible Warehouse where approximately 3 billion beautifully illustrated children’s Bibles  assault four of your five senses. You flip through them, one by one, comparing musical buttons to scratch and sniff. Finally, you decided on one and head to the checkout.

That night, Johnny tucked in tight; you pull out your new purchase and flip it open. Each story takes approximately 17 seconds to read, leaving lots of extra time for you and Johnny admire the pop up pages.

You read each of the stories, noticing the omission of death, blood, wrath, anger and well… anything negative. But the omission doesn’t bother you; after all… we don’t want our kids to know everything about God only the pleasant things.

I find it ironic that we stand ready to stone an adult who manipulates the Word of God to suit his own desires but happily join in the manipulation when our kids are involved.

What does it say about our confidence in the scripture when we conceal it from our own children? What does it say about our discipleship as parents if our children can only handle happy thoughts?

With every word and picture our children consume they are creating a profile of God in their minds. The profile they are getting… God is love, God is always happy, God never gets angry, God loves everyone, the end.

I think there’s a pretty good chance that, if a kid who grew up thinking about God this way, then – by some chance got a hold of an actual Bible – he might think he were reading about a different God.

I want to start a grassroots revolt against all lies in children’s Bible media. The way I see it, if your kids cant handle a Bible story you have two options.

#1 – Don’t read it to them. (This is the one I favor)

#2 – Read them a distorted version, excluding the parts you believe they cant handle.

Tonight at dinner I found myself unteaching a lie my children learned by watching one of those ridiculous Christian films. I think I’m honestly to the point that I’d rather my children watch “Children of the Corn” than “Veggie Tales”.

Proverbs on Wives

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So proverbs has quite a lot to say about wives. I have a good one. How about you?

Good Wife:

1.   Finding her is like finding a treasure.

  • An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. (12:4)
  • He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. (18:22)
  • An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. (31:10)

2.   She will bless her husband

  • House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. (19:14)
  • The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. (31:11)
  • Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (31:28)

3.   She has a homeward bend

  • The wisest of women builds her house…(14:1)

Bad Wife:

1.    She’s given to quarrels and fights:

  • A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain. (19:13)
  • It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9)
  • A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; (27:15)

2.   Her heart and mind are not dedicated to her husband

  • Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home. (7:18-20)
  • Who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God (2:17)
  • But she (The wife) who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. (12:4)

The Next Nine Years

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A few years ago I read THIS BOOK about raising boys. The concepts in the book were helpful but the actual plan the book presents just wasn’t my style. Nevertheless the book got me thinking about helping my sons (3) become men… My kids were young so it was one of those things I would get to at the appropriate time. Then, a month or two ago I was hit with a very scary reality. My oldest son, Noah is turning NINE this November… that mean’s, at least in our society, that he is 1/2 way to manhood.

Since then I have been planning, thinking, talking to Jennifer and praying about the appropriate steps to take to usher my son into manhood.

I developed a plan and last night we took a short trip over to Jessup Mannor so that I could reveal the plan to him. Here is what the night consisted of.

  • A talk about the purpose of the weekend.
  • Watching “The Passion of the Christ” and talking about it.
  • Giving him a real Bible… (as opposed to a childrens Bible)
  • And signing a “Father & Son Covenant”

The covenant was really the heart of the trip. Here is the text:

Noah McKade Clifton

August 20, 2010

NOAH, as your Dad GOD has given me the special job of teaching you how to become a man. Because I love you, and because I love God, I want to do the best I can at this special job.

In our society, a boy officially becomes a man when he is 18 years old. You are almost nine years old now, half way to being a man.

Since you were born your mom and I have been teaching you important things about how to live. We taught you how to eat, drink, get dressed, read, take a bath, tie your shoes and many other important things.

For the next nine years, it is my job to teach you how to become a man. I will teach you how to protect others, how to provide for your wife and children, how to manage your money, how to treat women, how to fix things, how your body works, what to do when someone hurts you and many other important things.

I will try to teach you these things all throughout the week but I want to make a special appointment with you every WEDNESDAY at 4pm to work on these things.

I want us to promise each other that we will meet every week at this time. There will be some times when we will not be able to meet; if we are apart from each other, if we have something important to do or if one of us is sick.

But other than those things I ask that you promise to meet me each week. I will do my very best to make our time together enjoyable so that you learn all the important things you need to know about becoming a man.

Our Covenant

Noah, I promise to meet with you each week. I promise to teach you how to become a man. I will always tell you the truth, I will never make fun of you, I will answer any question you have, I will do my very best to teach you all the things you need to know about being a Godly man.

Dad, I promise to meet with you each week. I promise to let you teach me how to become a man. I will always tell you the truth; I will always ask you the important questions that I have about life. I will do my best to learn from you how to be a Godly man. When God gives me a son, I will promise to teach him how to be a Godly man.

__________________________

Dad, Clint Clifton

_____________________________

Son, Noah Clifton

That We May Live Before Him

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I spent some time in Florida with my mother and step father this past week. Our last day home we spent a few hours digging through a box of old pictures and news paper clippings.

In the box I found the engagement announcement for my mother and father and was struck by how differently their lives turned out than the the way they planned them.

You see… I was born into the American dream. My mother and father were high school sweethearts and deeply in love with one another. After high school they married and my mom was soon pregnant with my sister, Shawn. My mom and dad had good jobs and were working to renovate our family’s 40-acre farm on one of Florida’s many coastal communities. Nearly a decade passed and then my parents learned that my mother was pregnant again (with yours truly).  But soon after my birth my family history took a tragic turn. One day at work my mother had an accident. She slipped on a wet floor at the job she had worked so hard to apprehend and mangled the bones in her lower back. The injury set in motion a series of unsuccessful surgeries and failed medical experiments that left her in a worse physical condition than the accident itself.

My father handled the stress of the accident rather poorly. His demise began with the alcohol abuse and led to drugs, pornography, and eventually adultery. My mother was disabled and depressed and my father, abandoned his nine-year-old daughter and his newborn son and high school sweetheart. Within two years our American dream had turned into a nightmare.

It seemed as if God had abandoned us and was prematurely ending my family’s story, but God was just beginning His work in us. The prophet Hosea said, “for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.” (Hosea 6:1-2) God was breaking us in order to heal us… and so that we would “live before Him.”

Now 30 years later my father is dead as a result of alcohol abuse. My mother is still disabled as a result of her fall. But God has made a new creation out of my family. One by one each of us turned to Christ in faith and exchanged our sorrow for the joy that is found in knowing Christ Jesus. God provided a new husband for my mother that cared for her in sickness and in health. He provided a new father for my sister and I who modeled selfless love to us. So why did God allow harm to come to us? It was so that he could heal us! Why did he strike us down? It was so that he could pick us up again! He has revived us and caused us to live before him – we are better for it.

“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.” (Hosea 6:1-2)